Careful with the hot stuff!

I have been doing penance. Having taken a longish break around the yuletide and New Year, it was eventually time to descend back into the Saltmine. And a deep descent it is, into a project I only understand half of, with a deadline as close as a stripper's shave. So what is your glamourous Rentboy doing this swinging Saturday nite? He's spending it with a purring warm laptop, having cooked a ferociously spicy lamb vindaloo in the few days' absence of Wife, who likes spicy food but thinks this particular dish is closer to suicide than dinner.

Cooking and rock n'roll go together like lube and assfucking. I'd been listening to something mellow while I chopped the veggies and meat. But as I reached for the bag of vindaloo spice blend The Ramones came on, "I wanna be sedated". Yeah! Headbanging ensued, some brandishing of cutlery, and finally an excessive amount of the fiery stuff got added to the sauce.

"Oh well, I'll just eat it with yoghurt" I thought recklessly and put the lid back on. Half an hour later, I'm two bites into dinner, hallucinating that my tiny kitchen is constricting around me - or maybe I'm expanding like a balloon. This last for a little while, and I get back to just feeling like I swallowed napalm.

Delicious. Spicy food is an addiction for me. If I don't feel my nose running and sweat beading on my forehead at least every other week, I get an irrepressible urge to visit a reliable curry house. And I know exactly when this began. Some 6 years ago I had lunch with an older man I needed to make a good impression on. When we ordered he told the waiter twice that he wanted his Pad Thai extra hot. "I want to sweat," as he said repeatedly. I ordered the same dish, medium hot. You see where this is going. About halfway through the meal, speaking became difficult. Then I turned red. Then I began to sweat profusely. He gave me a strange look. "You all right?" I managed to mutter "Mmmmmhmmm..." He gave a knowing nod. "So that's what happened to my food."

Then he ordered me a pot of yoghurt to cool the burn, and another bottle of water.

This new habit coincided by a few months with my other habit - discreetly renting out my sexual services to paying customers. And one evening the two habits clashed. I was entertaining a client at my flat (I was young and inexperienced). She was on top of me, having just settled down on it with a deep sigh, and was now riding my cock slowly, eyes closed, hands on my chest. I put my hands on her thighs, stroking, and then holding her muscular buttocks apart as she ground down on my cock, filling her. My right hand was covered with lube, because I'd just fingered her with lots of KY, then covered my cock in it before she settled down for the ride. Taking advantage I put my lube-smeared fingers on her rosebud, and began to tease her ass. This was a great success. At some point my left hand got in on the game, stroking her rosebud gently.

Suddenly, she stopped, looking down on me worried. "My ass hurts," she said, "like a burning sensation back there - is that normal?"

A brief panic. She got off me, I examined her bum, found nothing. Then I remembered - I'd chopped some red chilis for stirfry at lunch 8 hours earlier. The left hand held the chilis, right hand held the knife. Amazingly, she was pretty laid back about this. I playfully cleaned her with a cold washcloth, gave her head until she begged me to fuck her, and finally got back to that riding position we'd started out in.

After that I've always been extra careful after cooking hot food. But I wonder if anyone's experimented with hot peppers, or other such substances for sexual stimulation. Comments, dear pervs?