Monday, August 01, 2005


Back in the day, someone advised me (or maybe I read it in a book) that the best way to hold a conversation is to listen. Being the talkative sort I took offense at the advice, until it dawned on me that anyone whose favourite topics of conversation are all located within a meter's radius of his/her navel, is probably not good company for long - or so I thought.

It turns out that I have a soft spot for self-absorbed talkers. The intensity of the focus can make them highly entertaining, if not particularly enlightening – like this young actor I ran into at a pub recently. He seems to live his life as if it were an extended series of Celebrity Big Brother, convinced that an invisible horde of fans is following his every move with passionate interest. "I've grown tremendously since the last time we met. Was it a year ago? Yeah, I was going through my tragedy-phase... Did I have a beard? So much stuff's happened since – I'm into comedy now..." and so on.

The thing is, the self-absorbed can be great in bed. It's the lack of reflection - that talent for not asking am I doing things right? that saves so many of us from curling up in a corner out of sheer desperation at the complexity of life in general, never mind the bizarre mechanics involved in inducing orgasm in an adult human and then conducting conversation afterwards. The power of conviction goes a long way. That's why I'm telling you, go for the talker who goes on and on - not the quiet listening type. The talker will be the one unafraid to lie back, spread the legs and just beg for whatever services you can offer - your tongue, fingers, cock (if you have one), and so on.

I like unapologetic greed of the senses - the willingness to let go, allow anything to happen so long as it satiates the furious appetite for wet rubbing, licking, stroking...

The greedy are honest. It's really the listeners you need to watch out for. Oh, you know the type - they're the ones who help you along, nodding, smiling, doing that strange listening thing where the whole body language says: I like you, you're interesting, tell me more. And you fall into the trap, feeding the kindly smiling curiosity, oblivious to the fact that every little bit of the listener's senses is taking notes for later. Getting to know you, all for the pleasure of unpacking it later.

It's the curiosity - so friendly and seemingly generous. The tongue and fingers of the listener are inquisitive, they love the crevices and the folds, the hidden spots that draw forth the deepest, surprised moans of pleasure. The listener doesn't want conversation - s/he wants to hear you cry out in ecstasy. Don't be fooled by curiosity and the exploratory eagerness of the tongue that wants to taste cum, the finger that wants to be drenched, the cock that wants to be clenched tightly. Don't let any of that make you forget: Curiosity is the greed of the listener.


rupert said...

LOL. Such a well written post, very observant. My partner is the nattering type. I've always been a good, listening, I'm like the person in cue who lets you go after me because I'm in no rush to get to the counter. But my partner used to also talk through sex, something I found very distracting, not sexy talk, but everyday stuff. "So what do you think about getting a new washing machine?" and various chit, finally I had to say something because I found myself always losing that loving feeling thinking about responding.

One thing though in a long-term relationship with a talker is that I find myself resorting to the technique of those automated responses at times, "yes", "ahuh", and they don't seem to mind, as long as they can keep talking. It's awfully lazy of me, but sometimes I'm having a three way conversation between "her, me, and my thoughts" (not purposefully in that order which resembles a possible variation of a Beatle's song).

Freya said...

Hmm? Well, anyway, let me tell you about how crappy my week was last week and you didn't even post to cheer me up! It's all about me, Mon, me, me, me (and I'm quite happy to lie back and beg, btw)

Anonymous said...

And how about those who can easily play both the listener and the talker (non simultaneously, of course)?

MonMouth said...

Rupert, I applaud your bravery and your naive, possibly self-endangering faith in your partner not reading my blog.

Readers, next time you click on Muffboxfilms brace yourselves for a picture of Rupes tied to a chair with an answering machine shoved into his mouth.

vatum & vixen said...

I'm learning, I'm learning. It's all about me. I get it. hehe

Lili said...

It really is all about Freya, you know Mon, Freya Freya Freya!
I like that! She's so sweet and bitchy.

And listen, dear Mouth, if you be the talker, then there must needs always be a listener. Don't bad mouth the listeners, Little Mon Man, or you'll be left all alone talking to yourself. You may like that though, I'm not judging, just saying.
Big talkers, in gerneral, are just that, all talk. :-)

rupert said...

dear monmouth,

thank-god we have message bank, and yes, she will read your blog, the only thing is she knows I get distracted by my thoughts and sometimes switch off - that's why she has developed something more ingenious then chair bondage, and that is, repetition! But (just in case misseno pops by) I love hearing her sing to herself or to me. very soothing, although she can't hold a note, nor I for that matter, it is very sweet and sincere.

Virgin Slut said...

I'm a listener, and to be honest, I usually run away from those talkers who never even pause. I need my peace and quiet, and like Rupert said, at some point your brain switches off, and I have a wee brain, so it swithces off after the third sentence.

Since you, Mon, are my God of love, I'm going to take your advice and go for a talker next time. I suppose if the talking really starts to get on my nerves, I can always smother his words with kisses? Or else gag him ;)

chelsea girl said...

"The listener doesn't want conversation - s/he wants to hear you cry out in ecstasy...Don't let any of that make you forget: Curiosity is the greed of the listener."

Well, yes. We writers are best at listening, are we not? And we are greedy little fuckers, bless our furry typing typing typing hearts.

Cookiebush said...

I'm lucky that I attract listeners then... I love being driven beyond words, and they must be very grateful for the relative silence!

Simme said...

I don't ever remember mentioning a washing-machine during sex, and sometimes it is nice for the "talker" to be able to listen to the "listener" expressing their thoughts so that the "talker" has an idea of what the other is thinking.

Realistically in a relationship their needs to be talking and listening on both sides.