Thursday, January 13, 2011

The problem

"You want to know why I have trouble finding sexually dominant men?"

I hadn't asked, but I was up for hearing the answer anyway. Tanya was standing in the middle of the hotel room, wrapped in a towel, drying her shoulder-length curly brown hair, and I was stretched out on the bed, suffering postcoital brain-paralysis and moaning that I wasn't in the mood to shower and go out into the cold evening. The wet streets of London don't look appealing from this perspective.

"You've got better muscle definition than most guys. We're gentle creatures - we spook easily." Tanya is no stranger to the inside of a gym. I had my suspicions about what she did for a living - just from her body language and manner - but at this stage in our relationship we hadn't discussed that in any detail.

"You have no fucking idea," she sighed. 

I sat up and started gathering the coils of rope scattered around the bed, winding them into tight cylindrical shapes that wouldn't take up too much space in her bag alongside the dildo, buttplug, blindfold and the narrow leather spanking paddle. All of these had just been used on her to delightful effect.

"Can I show you something?" Tanya was done with the hair, the bath towel still wrapped around her.


"Try to get this towel off me in a... you know, forcible manner."

I stood up, stretched lazily, in the most unthreatening manner I could muster.

"What do you mean? Like..." I lunged at the knot holding the towel up. "This?"

She stepped aside, fast. I followed, reaching for the knot again, and just at that moment of not-quite-balanced stepping forward she caught my wrist and spun me around so I landed face down on the bed, helpless with my arm behind my back in a way that could get painful if she wanted it to.

"I see your point," I said. Tanya let go.

I turned around, stretching my arm to check if it was all there, and she laid down next to me. 

"So, I guess you go to the gym for professional reasons."

She laughed. "Yes."

"What have I done to deserve this, then? I tied you up wrong or something?"

"No." Tanya tried not to sound too serious, but failed. "It was good. And I'd like to do it again... but, you know... next time, could you spank me a bit harder?"


MsBesitos said...

Having just trudged home through the same wet streets, after the crapiest of crap days at work, how lovely to find a new post. Perhaps a cathartic hard spanking would rid me of the January blues. Thank you.

Jo said...

Oh god, that's delicious. What a beautiful example of 'show, don't tell' in motion :)

I feel sad for you, having to leave these cosy temporary love nests for the cold, cruel streets. Poor Monmouth.

thea said...

I share Tanya's frustration...


Nancy said...

Dont feel sorry for him, Jo! At least he gets all this cosy temporary attention!! I dont think he suffers half as much as he lets on...and if he does, he probably deserves it ;-)

Jo said...

I had thought of that, Nancy :)

It's a hard life, having your cake and eating it too.

Saving your good self, of course, JoannaC!

Elly said...

My 'problem' in finding dominant men is not that I could physically overpower them, but that intellectually I can tie them up in knots. I want to meet a man who is more intelligent than me. Who knows how to psychologically dominate me. I am still looking.

Sassylapdancer said...

Whilst I can't physically overpower men either , I love the rush I get when I convince a sceptic client to join me for a dance, or some time in the VIP. All lapdancers have a different way of doing this - some bully guys incessantly until they say yes, literally pulling their arm and sleeve into a booth, but I prefer a smarter kind of dominance. Persuasion with clever words and cute looks, if you see what I mean.

Lacey Bessette said...

My heart always does a little skip of excitement whenever I see a post from you on my newsfeed.
Why aren't there more great male sex bloggers?

Jo said...

Heh, maybe they all got wrestled into literary submission :)

Elly said...

Tucker Max is good, Lacey, just google Tucker Max. He is funny because he is more open than Monmouth about some of the disasterous sides of sex.

I think there are not many straight dominant men bloggers because it is seen as negative in our culture, though it is the 'norm', to be a man who is basically predatory, aggressive and dominant.

Also quite a lot of bloggers are secretive about their identities and writing and having sex without their regular life partners' knowing.

This is still seen as less acceptable, even though again it is more common, for men, than for women.

I believe if we want more men sex bloggers we need to change our attitudes to men and sex.

Jo said...


Yeah, I admit this became hilarious.

But I like the way Monmouth does it better.

AND he can apostrophise like an angel. It's really hard to find a dominant male sex blogger with impecable grammar.

Elly said...

It'd be nice if there were more men writing about sex, though wouldn't it? So we didn't have to choose between the warts and all approach of Tucker Max and the impeccable grammar and clinical style of Mr Mouth.

MonMouth said...

Well, if there's one thing I'd like to be known for it's exemplary grammar. I want Lynne Truss to be able to wank with confidence while reading my smut. Nothing kills the buzz like a missing modifier or a grocer's apostrophe.

I've got to look into the male sexblogger thing, obviously. Does Easily Aroused not deserve a mention here? He's a bit less "Dude, where's my cock?" than Tucker Max.

Elly said...

Natty Soltesz is good. Gay as well.

I find Easily Aroused a bit cliched and formulaic.

There really don't seem to be many men doing this. Maybe the 'feminist' culture we live in puts them off. That sounds flippant but the amount of propoganda there is about men harassing and raping women would put me off writing about my sex life if I were a man.

Jo said...

I think men are just less inclined to be introspective enough to be diarist about it.

Elly said...

I dont agree Jo, throughout literary and political history, the great diarists have been men, and poets, who are the most introspective of all.

There is something specific about our current climate around heterosexuality and men I think. But I can't prove it. It's just a hunch!

Monmouth isn't very introspective anyway. His writing is partly so successful because he never gives much away... anymore.

Joanna Cake said...

Giggles at Jo taking my name in vain ;P

Sharp intake of breath at Easily Aroused being described as cliched and formulaic.

The trouble with a lot of male sex bloggers is that they forget to paint the picture. For too many it's all about trying to verbalise sounds rather than actually describing them. And sex is about so much more than the noises. Worse still, they always have to make the reader believe that everything went well and everyone got off because the writer is such a stud. There's too much ego involved and that's what has always separated the great writers from the rest.

Mon is great because it's a snippet that makes you build your own background or think about the implications. And EA takes you through the whole sensual experience vicariously. Both are true wordsmiths, who write beautifully constructed sentences that always leave a girl wanting more.

I haven't read the other guys you mention but I will take a look.

As to dominant men, obviously I have to cite the almost perfection that is Ruf. He's not a big bloke but, physically, he has the skill to effortlessly subdue me with one hand whilst making a cup of tea with the other and, mentally, he has the worldly acumen to stimulate me. However, he is hopeless with apostrophes so would make a terrible sex blogger.

As Mon says, bad punctuation is distracting and totally ruins your mood :)

Elly said...

'Worse still, they always have to make the reader believe that everything went well and everyone got off because the writer is such a stud. There's too much ego involved'

I agree Joanna Cake! I agree. That's why I like Tucker Max.

I still think two writers who have been around for years is pretty rubbish and shows a real problem with men writing about sex.

Jo said...

I think erotica is very much a woman's playground at the moment - lots of calls for submission insist on no male writers, for instance. The writers I know tend to feel a bit left out. There are writers to be read though, if not bloggers.

I don't know if it's a 'problem' as such, or just the way things fall. I still think, that while yes, there are famous diarists, that the sex blogging format is one that is more favoured by women.

Nancy said...

Oh Lord, I have never heard of Tucker Max before now, so googled and read the 'buttsex' story. I DID NOT need to read THAT. Urgh. Vile. Jo, you have a lot to answer for!! I'll be sticking to Mon's efforts in future, lol!!

Elly said...

Tucker Max was my fault Nancy. But I like vile... I think sex is often quite vile. It just depends what spin you put on it when you write about it.

I have just published a collection of stories about sex, a few of which are a little bit vile...